On March 1st, my eldest sister passed. With her passing, I found myself standing as the last of my immediate family. My mother, brother, and sister have all moved on from this world, and in many ways it put things into perspective how quickly life shifts, how deeply grief transforms us, and how silence can grow between people over time.

I can see how grief can feel like losing everything. But what I’m learning is that everything we lose in the physical, we gain in the spiritual. I don’t feel empty. I feel loved, nourished, gifted and abundant.

Life, the birds, the trees and music is supporting me from another world, synchronizing to the beat of my heart, and I think it’s heavenly, it’s godly and it’s love. I think that’s the flow of life, and my truth is to show others how to get in sync with their rhythm so blues doesn’t run their life.

This is what I did in the last 90 days.

1. Break all the rules

I didn’t meditate every day. Some days I just survived. Some days I didn’t eat and others I intuitively ate because that’s what I needed. If I wanted to go to the gym I did. If I wanted a breakfast burger I did. If I wanted a full TV day I gave myself it. Because I am whole, no matter what my experience.

2. If you are grieving, give yourself to grief.

No one knows what you are carrying, so let yourself have that mini vacation and cry your heart out. Or stare at the wall.

Pray. Find your way of praying.

Walk. Write. Sing. Dance. Shout. Find the way your body naturally releases emotion and make it a habit to let it out.

Your emotions are natural. It’s what we have in this human life, and they will build up if we don’t express them. We all have emotions in different ways, so let them move through you.

3. Nature and animals are your friends and companions.

Find a hobby. Let yourself out of your bed, your phone and your home.

Go to the gym, a studio, or for a walk. Something apart from your TV and your phone. Go for a walk or a run because habits help unwind your brain and keep your mind active.

Sometimes healing is simply reminding yourself that life still exists outside of grief.

4. I learned boundaries.

In every corner of my life. In my relationships, lifelong friendships and with family. I came to terms with all the masks I chose to wear to keep peace, harmony, kindness and pleasantries in my relationships.

I finally committed to radical self acceptance, and it was for me.

No amount of guilt, shame, money or transactional love could exchange the harmony, love and freedom you feel when you don’t need attachments and you trust your heart.

It’s the willingness to feel and observe and not needing to change. That to me is where life truly begins.

The photo I’ve shared above is a photo I took of the sky on the day that she passed. I was just coming home from my first Vipassana sit. I was eager to tell my sister how it went, as I was nervous going in, thinking preemptively that “a big change in my life would happen and I would never be the same.”

She was the last one that spoke to me and said, “What are you worried about? Nothing bad will happen, maybe just more your giggly self.”

That was my sister. Always being my light and taking care of me. Through a smile, a text, and now, even through the other side.

Through her love, I am reminded that our bond is not linear and nor is the path that we walk.

To elaborate on the photo a bit, what I see is the 4 directions. We are Dene of NWT, and seeing the sun look like the four directions makes me feel like she made it home. Sort of like that song Spirit in the Sky, which now seems to haunt me every time I grocery shop.